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Baltimore by the Sea

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Never Thought I'd Ever Have Cause to Bribe Guards

Silent lobby - still white marble
no noise above a hush
two guards at desk gaze into the silence
Unannounced - unbidden - unexpected Crescendo!
Loud, clear, echoing through the air
the men look up in surprised awe
the last haunting echo trembles against the cold walls

Yeah, that was some damned BIG old fart I let out in the lobby today. No warning, it just leapt to the open air like a giant raspberry. Fecking hell. See why I say my life is a sitcom? Do you see that now???? Damn it.

I mean, I have not farted in public like that since Junior High classroom incident which sort of set the pace for the rest of my life and explains why I'm such a hermit. I mean, that lobby of my office building is usually alive with dozens of people noisily bustling about, engulfed in conversation with their peers, headed out of the building or into one of the three elevator hubs. But the one freakin' day I... pass gas... it was so bloody quiet you could have heard a dwarf mouse peeing on cotton at 100 paces. Bugger. BUGGER. BUGGER ALL!

Stupid lobby. Stupid guards. Stupid, stupid intestinal tract!

I was racing out the building to go to a docents meeting tonight at the State Indian Meeting. The lot of us made plans for Acorn Day in October which is usually loads of fun when we all pitch in together.

In other news, on Saturday I ushered for Hello Dolly! at the Music Circus. I've only ever seen the movie version featuring the divine Ms. Streisand, so it was a special treat for me to see the stage production. I loved it from the lively actors to the spectacular turn of the century costumes. Plus, there was near to a full house for the performance which was attended by 1,900 souls - in a crowd like that anyone could have farted merrily away with impunity guar-an-teed.

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