Turn on the Frickin' Light

 
Uh, sooo..... Nothing happened to me on Friday the 13th, November 2020 - just making that clear.  Anyway, at 2 AM Saturday the 14th, I woke in my bed, as it was time for a pee. My fists were balled up, pressing against my eyes - a bad sleeping habit. My poor iris muscles were therefore tight shut, temporarily incapacitated, and not opening to let light into my pupils, so I was blind as a bat until my pupils opened up. Now if I were either cautious or brilliant I would have sat at the edge of my bed until my poor irises had a chance to reopen, or I would have turned on a light so my pupils would open up and let in light. Alas, I did neither. getting up, I stubbornly proceeding to stumble blindly to the foot of my bed. With arms outstretched like a Helen Keller, I headed toward the door to my bedroom and the hallway.  

One step out of my bedroom an immediate left is the staircase down. A few additional steps and I'd have safely trudged to the left, along the hallway. But not being able to see at all, 2 steps too soon, I turned left, took one fateful step and... down the rabbit hole, head first, I plunged.

I broke my fall with my hands, more precisely with my thumbs. I landed belly down on the lower stairs. Somehow I got myself turned around and sitting up and I took note: my thumbs burned like they were dipped in lava. Without thinking about it, my brain had registered that my left my left forearm was broken. I sat on the bottom step, rocking in pain, and when I worked up the courage, felt my forehead, expecting blood. No blood. I did find a massive dent, that made me think I might have a concussion brewing. So... that meant my post-fall plan to 'stand up, use the first floor bathroom, then crawl into the guest room bed to snooze until morning' was shot all to hell. 

Two hours later I finally managed to stand without without the use of my aching hands. Mind... I can stand up from a prone position on the floor but I need my arms to do so. Note to self: must master standing up using only my lower appendages. 

Grabbing my hoodie and keys, I went next door to the cottage. Barbara lives in the cottage and hearing her doorbell ring at 4AM she was certain a lost axe murder had come to murder her. So it took a bit for her to answer the door and let me in. Long story short & one ambulance ride later, I was in the Port Angeles Hospital, feeling astounding stupid and wildly embarrassed, and screaming like a Banshee if a doctor, nurse or aide accidently as much as looked at my thumbs, much less touched them. 

In the wee morning hours I had 2 MRIs, an x-ray, & an EKG to boot. Spent 2 days in the hospital, getting treatment for my broken left ulna, a broken rib, some cracked neck vertebrate and a massive hematoma on my forehead - which was had earlier fooled me into thinking I had a concussion, which I did not. Two days of IVs and pain meds and I was released. My friend Ingrid (who already had let me stay at her house for 8 months while I house hunted last year) came to stay at my house for a couple of weeks until I could shift for myself. My hands were so bummed up I couldn't even operate my cell phone (THE AGONY!) and needed assistance manipulating small items and the like. Poor Ingrid! The lady has the patience of a saint and she stayed with me right through Thanksgiving.

Me, late Saturday afternoon, in neck brace and my initial arm cast, before my face decided to dress up a little late for Halloween.

'Racoon eyes', in development

 

Then on waking Sunday morning I discovered my I had what the doctors called 'Raccoon Eyes'. But wait! The fun transformation didn't stop there. I went on to develop a v. fat (uh... fatter) face, and lovely Aubergine (eggplant) blackish purple cheeks. My face was so discolored that the camera didn't pick up on how black the sides of my forehead were, in the photo below. As you can see, I actually had a blaze down the center of my face. I thought I looked like a Spaniel, complete with ears.  Hum...wish I was as cute as the pup though.

[UPDATE: I am now returned back to normal, more or less. For several months, I had dark circles under my eyes, but that went away and I no longer resemble a cousin of  Beelzebub. My poor left hand and fore-arm are puffier than their mates to the right. Full healing for my left forearm and hands will take a  year. Both of my thumbs are sensitive. When touched they feel like they incurred slight paper cuts or burns. This too shall pass.]

Talk about STUPID accidents. All of the above could have been avoided had I simply, as Dumbledore might elegantly state....

'Next time turn on the damned lights you ignorant Muggle.'

UPDATE: A couple of months later I looked on line at My Chart. I discovered when I was admitted to the hospital, not only did they run an EKG, MRIs and x-rays, but they also ran an blood alcohol test!  Because, people who plummet downstairs in the wee hours of night are suspected of being drunk. Nope. My blood alcohol level was <10(standard range is <=10 mg/dL, whatever that means). Not drunk, just too damned stubborn to turn on the frickin' lights.

And another UPDATE: this reminder now hoovers over my bed.