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Monday, December 06, 2010

OK, this is weird...

For reasons I'm not going to detail, today I took a spirometry, or lung, air-capacity test. The test consists of sucking in as much oxygen as one can hold, then rapidly & explosively exhaling. I've had the test in the past for asthma - no big deal. So I expected this to go today simularly uneventful. The test used a way-fancy computer with monitor that showed a little sail boat. The technician that gave me the test, explained that as I exhaled the little sailboat would drift across the monitor, left to right; no big whoop.

So, after twice explaining to me how I was to breathe and what to expect and such it was time for me to give it a go. 'Fine!', I thought, 'let's get this over with.'

So... breathe in, that's it Ms. Miller, breathe in again, OK, again.... OK... 1, 2, 3 EXHALE!

I could hear a voice, vaguely in the distance, but didn't know what was being said. Slowly my mind emerged from a fog and I opened my eyes to see some person or the other, some woman, who was messing with a machine and nattering on. Where the HELL was I? Where am I? What the.... HOLY CRAP! I PASSED OUT!

I was flabbergasted. I've never passed out before in my life. Thank heavens I was in a chair. The technician turned and noticed me, asking if I was OK.

"No! I... I fainted! I've never done that before in my life!"

The technician didn't seem all that surprised, after all, she had told me I would take the test sitting because she'd had a patient that passed out and fell down.

So, she told me the machine wasn't quite working right and we'd give it another go, or two as necessary.

I wanted to run screaming. Really. I did. You know, I hear all the time about kids doing things like inhaling glue, or taking other people's medications for a buzz, but let me tell you, that isn't me. I do NOT like feeling buzzed from alcohol or anything else, and I sure as hell don't like waking up not having a clue where I am... shite!

Still, I felt rather coerced into giving it another go. So there were the three deep inhalations... one sharp, almost violent exhalation...

....vaguely I could hear a voice, and the waves by the shores of Narnia were loud. I drifted... I opened my eyes... where was I? Who were these people.... FECKING A! I passed out again!

I was again, totally rattled and now feeling frightened. The technician decided to take me to the doctor for the rest of my physical and said we could complete the lung capacity test afterwards.

Long story short. After my physical exam I told the doctor, a lady doctor, that I'd passed out twice and did NOT like it. Happily, she told me that was enough for one day and she dismissed me from re-doing the lung capacity test.

So... I'm totally freaked by today's activities. I will never, and I mean never, ever take another lung capacity test, and I don't care what the feck it means job-wise. I am never going to pass out again for the rest of my life, not as long as there is... you know it's coming.... get ready for it.. not as long as there is breath left in my body.


  1. Wow-that's so strange. I'm surprised they didn't have some kind of explanation or get worried about it.

  2. Krazy!! I've taken one of those and its like they have you hold it for an extreme amount of time *"like when I say hold that pose when I'm taking freakin' forever to snap a pic" I am not surprised you passed out...I'm going into day to have someone look up my nose LOL so I may pass out doing that!!! Oh my!!